This was my view during lunch this afternoon. It was pretty mild for only being 50 degrees outside, but the wind compensated for what little warmth the sun had to offer anyway, so I didn’t eat out there very long.
Still, it was nice to find a quiet space in the middle of this bustling hospital for once. Being on day shift has really made me yearn for the silence and solitude that night shift brings like never before. I’ve found myself wanting to revert back to old habits and draw back into my shell, instead of taking opportunities to socialize with my new coworkers quite a bit this week. One of the main reasons for this has been because I have started second-guessing my transition from the SICU to an outpatient unit.
With all of my fears starting to overshadow the good things that have come out of this change, I felt the need to tactfully talk it out with a few people today- a skill that I’ve had to master during my recovery from depression.
I’ve been reminding myself that life- and all of the curveballs it throws, is only what you make of it. Change is easy to talk about, but very difficult to implement. Once it has come, it can be very easy to only see the bad in situations and focus on the negative. But I can’t allow my fear of change (and in a sense, starting over) to keep me from succeeding in this endeavor. I’ve started down this new path, and I’m determined to see it through.
Today I’m choosing not to let negativity take away from appreciating the positive and beautiful things around me. Today I am choosing to be happy.