Choosing Happiness.

  This was my view during lunch this afternoon. It was pretty mild for only being 50 degrees outside, but the wind compensated for what little warmth the sun had to offer anyway, so I didn’t eat out there very long. 

  Still, it was nice to find a quiet space in the middle of this bustling hospital for once. Being on day shift has really made me yearn for the silence and solitude that night shift brings like never before. I’ve found myself wanting to revert back to old habits and draw back into my shell, instead of taking opportunities to socialize with my new coworkers quite a bit this week. One of the main reasons for this has been because I have started second-guessing my transition from the SICU to an outpatient unit. 

  With all of my fears starting to overshadow the good things that have come out of this change, I felt the need to tactfully talk it out with a few people today- a skill that I’ve had to master during my recovery from depression.

  I’ve been reminding myself that life- and all of the curveballs it throws, is only what you make of it. Change is easy to talk about, but very difficult to implement. Once it has come, it can be very easy to only see the bad in situations and focus on the negative. But I can’t allow my fear of change (and in a sense, starting over) to keep me from succeeding in this endeavor. I’ve started down this new path, and I’m determined to see it through.

   Today I’m choosing not to let negativity take away from appreciating the positive and beautiful things around me. Today I am choosing to be happy.

-Mj❤

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Ye Old Fake-Out.

Photo credit for the awesome graphic goes to @fempire_ on Instagram. Go check her out!

  Anyone who has had the unique pleasure of working shift work for a sustained period of time, knows the value of a changeover day. Typically, this day counts as an actual 24 hour day, full of random sleep-filled intervals, semi-coherent thoughts or conversations with loved ones, and an unhealthy dose of grazing for food in the kitchen.

   However, when your schedule involves getting off of work at 7am and starting the next shift at 8am the very next morning, all of those aforementioned terrible habits are taken to a whole new level.

   Today, after getting home from work around 9am, I attempted to stay awake and fill my schedule with plenty of time-consuming activities: pet photos with Santa Claus downtown, catching up on some Netflix shows, going out on the town with my equally shift-work-laden husband, et cetera, et cetera. It was as ambitious as it sounds; only one of those things happened (spoiler alert: it was Netflix.) By noon, my mood had soured beyond redemption and my bed was the only cure.

   As I lay here now, recently awoken by the sound of my sweet-but-protective hound dog, baying away at the sound of a passing motorcycle, I am readying myself to again tackle a short list of barely exhaustive activities. Hopefully folding a mountain of laundry, meal prepping for the week, filing the unruly stack of papers and miscellaneous items littered across my desk, studying a bit and hitting the gym tonight will all take up enough of my energy to ready me for bed again by midnight…

 You can learn more about shift-work sleep disorder and the many horrors that accompany it by following these links:

 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2904525/

 http://my.clevelandclinic.org/services/neurological_institute/sleep-disorders-center/disorders-conditions/hic-shift-work-sleep-disorder

 https://sleepfoundation.org/shift-work/content/shift-work-disorder-%E2%80%93-symptoms

 Enjoy your evening, folks!

 ~Mj❤ 

Empathy.

So a County Sheriff just stalked Ralph and I for almost half of our walk before finally getting out of his car and asking to pet him.  I’m not going to lie, I thought it was pretty cute!

Little did I know that the Officer had just put down his 13 year old beagle last week.

His heartache was palpable and I’m sure that spending some time with my little guy helped him in some way, but little did he know, for I needed that interaction as well.
Continue reading

A Photographer Took 12 Stunning Pictures To Capture How Depression And Anxiety Can Feel.

Live or Die“I’m afraid to live and I’m afraid to die.  What a way to exist.”

(Photo and caption by Katie Crawford.)

Morning everyone!

I think the most difficult part of finding my way during my battle with suicidal depression has been trying to explain how I feel.  I believe that, in a way, there really is not a word that adequately describes the anguish that you feel when you’re being destroyed from the inside out by an intangible force. Continue reading

Analyzing Law Enforcement Deaths: What’s Missing from These Statistics?

A grim but fitting topic this week. As someone who has fought depression and suicide first-hand, I can only imagine the amounts of pain and suffering our Officers are subjected to on a daily basis. Departments need to do more to help Officers maintain their mental health and well being.

Read on,

Mj ♡

e-Roll Call Magazine

Stress

In the past decade, 1,553 law enforcement officers died in reported duty deaths. That is an average of one duty death every 58 hours or an average of 150 duty deaths per year.

How can departments analyze this data to help them determine and implement strategies to attempt to reduce the number of duty deaths?

First of all, it’s difficult to get a comprehensive picture of duty deaths because each reporting agency categorizes them differently. The data below came from several sources in order to analyze law enforcement duty deaths over the past decade.

Law Enforcement Deaths 2004 – 2014 (to date)
Aircraft Accidents: 25
Auto Accidents (Cruiser): 448
Assault: 9
Bicycle Accidents: 3
Boating Accidents: 3
Bomb-Related Incidents: 6
Drowned: 21
Electrocuted: 4
Fall: 23
Horse- Related Incidents: 1
Law Enforcement Related Illness: 192
Motorcycle Crashes: 72
Poisoned: 1
Shot (all types of firearms): 568
Stabbed: 14
Strangled: 1

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